Still hyper

Ah yes, I'm still hyper as hell. It's as if this damn Abilify has thrown me violently into a manic state and I don't even have bipolar. Maybe this is how "normal" people feel? I don't know, it's been so long since I felt anything but depressed. Could just be that I'm on a med that is actually working. I'm reluctant to accept that as being the case though because I'm not sleeping and I can't sit still.

Today I went to the "Roads to Recovery" group. I was almost late because I was busy fucking with this damn XP again and didn't realize it was time to go. I was so wired that I did quite a bit of talking in group. We were just talking about some facts about mental illnesses in general and I kept stating my opinion as to whether I agreed with the stuff or not. I'm surprised they didn't ask me to leave.

After that group I stuck around for the creative writing group. Think I'm going to stay with that one and skip the artistic expression one on Wednesdays. Everything is changing next week anyway, as far as my groups. I start DBT on Tuesday nites. So rather than drive out there 4 days a week, I'm going to be seeing Ms. N on Mondays instead of Thursdays and then I'll drop the Thursday group which was Emotional Insight. So I'll do 2 groups Mon mornings and see Ms. N after, do DBT on Tues nites and do 2 groups on Wed mornings. That frees up Tuesday during the day, plus Thurs - Sun each week. Hopefully that will be a better schedule for me.

I put my xmas decorations up today. Sucks that I can't decorate the whole house. I miss that. I used to get so many positive comments about how well I decorated. Now that I have limited space, I'm forced to keep most of the decorations packed away. Can't get a real tree, so all we have is this tiny 3 ft tall fiber optic tree. Probably wouldn't even have a tree at all, but in 2003 I was so depressed that I waited until xmas eve to buy a tree only to find no one sells real xmas trees on xmas eve. So to have a tree, we just bought this tiny thing at Target. It was all they had that I could afford.

The ex hasn't talked to me in a few days. When I called him Saturday he seemed like he wanted to get me off the phone. Wonder if he's dating someone, or at least fucking someone else. Wouldn't put it past him. I'm a fool when it comes to him. I don't think I can ever trust him again, yet I still want to be with him. I'm just setting myself up for more pain aren't I? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe I should just call Tony and go out with him. I found his phone# today while looking for my Seroquel prescription.

I never did find the prescription, so I'm fucked. As of December 8th I'll have no more Seroquel. Shoot me now before I die from lack of sleep.