Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Still hyper

Ah yes, I'm still hyper as hell. It's as if this damn Abilify has thrown me violently into a manic state and I don't even have bipolar. Maybe this is how "normal" people feel? I don't know, it's been so long since I felt anything but depressed. Could just be that I'm on a med that is actually working. I'm reluctant to accept that as being the case though because I'm not sleeping and I can't sit still.

Today I went to the "Roads to Recovery" group. I was almost late because I was busy fucking with this damn XP again and didn't realize it was time to go. I was so wired that I did quite a bit of talking in group. We were just talking about some facts about mental illnesses in general and I kept stating my opinion as to whether I agreed with the stuff or not. I'm surprised they didn't ask me to leave.

After that group I stuck around for the creative writing group. Think I'm going to stay with that one and skip the artistic expression one on Wednesdays. Everything is changing next week anyway, as far as my groups. I start DBT on Tuesday nites. So rather than drive out there 4 days a week, I'm going to be seeing Ms. N on Mondays instead of Thursdays and then I'll drop the Thursday group which was Emotional Insight. So I'll do 2 groups Mon mornings and see Ms. N after, do DBT on Tues nites and do 2 groups on Wed mornings. That frees up Tuesday during the day, plus Thurs - Sun each week. Hopefully that will be a better schedule for me.

I put my xmas decorations up today. Sucks that I can't decorate the whole house. I miss that. I used to get so many positive comments about how well I decorated. Now that I have limited space, I'm forced to keep most of the decorations packed away. Can't get a real tree, so all we have is this tiny 3 ft tall fiber optic tree. Probably wouldn't even have a tree at all, but in 2003 I was so depressed that I waited until xmas eve to buy a tree only to find no one sells real xmas trees on xmas eve. So to have a tree, we just bought this tiny thing at Target. It was all they had that I could afford.

The ex hasn't talked to me in a few days. When I called him Saturday he seemed like he wanted to get me off the phone. Wonder if he's dating someone, or at least fucking someone else. Wouldn't put it past him. I'm a fool when it comes to him. I don't think I can ever trust him again, yet I still want to be with him. I'm just setting myself up for more pain aren't I? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Maybe I should just call Tony and go out with him. I found his phone# today while looking for my Seroquel prescription.

I never did find the prescription, so I'm fucked. As of December 8th I'll have no more Seroquel. Shoot me now before I die from lack of sleep.


Blogger marie said...

Sid, I will give you my personal e-mail. Did Shannin sent you the info about the blogger playdate? I hope she did and you will participate.


Please take care. Got some exciting news. I am going to write a blog about it

1:17 AM, November 29, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry about the seroquel, hope you can find a way to get it.

And Oh yes, I remember the miserable affects of abilify. Had me pasing the floors constantly, I was a complete nervous wreck, never slept.


12:27 PM, November 29, 2005  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

Can't imagine what life would be like without Seroquel. Hope you come down from the hyper feeling soon.

6:01 PM, November 29, 2005  
Blogger marie said...

Sid, go out with Tony. No one needs to be alone during the holidays. Take it from someone who is living it. It sucks! I am sorry you are losing your meds soon. Since I am unemployed, I am having a lot of anxiety about how I am going to continue my treatment. This is one more thing to add to my existing depression.

Have some good news, check out the latest post. Please take care of yourself. Go out with Tony!

7:05 PM, November 29, 2005  
Anonymous Anna said...

I know how you feel. I've been out of Seroquel since May and the insomnia is driving me crazy. Sorry you're so hyper though, I know that's not helping.

5:11 AM, November 30, 2005  

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