Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Gonna call the pdoc

I'm gonna break down and call my pdoc inbetween appointments, though I'm feeling very guilty for wanting to do so. But I can't go on like this any longer. He's gotta find some way to get me Seroquel or give me something that will help me sleep. Either that or he has to take me off the Abilify. I can't stand it. I'm always awake and it's not the overly depressed, can't sleep and don't care cuz I'm so out of it kind of sleeplessness. This is a manic sleeplessness that's driving me absolutely crazier than I already was.

Didn't make sense to me how not sleeping during a manic stage could be so detrimental, because I don't sleep when I'm super depressed. But now that I'm experiencing it first hand, I understand. I know I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating...I finally have some inkling of what it is like to be bipolar and I'm sorry that anyone has to suffer from that disorder. I thought being borderline was bad, but I definitely think bipolar is worse.

I'm so lost as to what day it is. I keep thinking Tuesday or Thursday, but looking at the calendar I know it has to be Wednesday because the kiddie had her orchestra concert tonite. I've only been home from it for about an hour and it already seems like I was there last week. Ugh.

Tomorrow I'm meeting our Princess for coffee. She'll be the first person I've ever met from cyberspace and I've been on here about 10 years now. Most of the people I meet online live out of state so I haven't had the opportunity to meet them. The chatroom I go to is always having get togethers in Vegas, but I just don't have the money to join them, though I would love to. They were supposed to have a party there at the beginning of October, but that got cancelled for some reason. Not sure if they've rescheduled. Doesn't matter, being broke isn't going to get me very far.

Thank you MizEeyore for that link about programs for getting Seroquel you posted on your blog a few days ago. I did go there and signed up for some SunAssociation discount drug card. I have to get my Zoloft filled tomorrow, so I'll do that before I call the pdoc to see if I can possibly afford to Seroquel with that card. Doesn't give any info on how much of a savings it will offer for specific meds, but it is accepted at Osco, which is where I get my meds filled. I'll just ask the pharmacy if they can tell me. If it's still too expensive, I'll just tell the pdoc I tried the discount card but still can't afford it.

As for my last post, I was angry about something, a realization I'd made. It really only applied to one of the seven items I said I sucked at, though I do tend to think I really do suck at all of them. I just didn't want to get specific and single out which one had me mad at myself. But I'm sure if a certain someone read my post, they may have realized what it was about. All I can say is I'm sorry for not responding to you in your time of need. I am very pissed at myself for that and I understand if you're pissed at me too. You have every right to be. Again, I am very sorry.


Blogger marie said...

Sid, please take care ofyourself. I went to mp pdoc today and he told me I may be bi-polar. Read my latest post for more info.

I have been also thinking I could me manic-depressive. Either way I super fucked up with no end in sight. Do you know what the diffrence is between the two? I am looking for someone to tell me.

I am glad you are finally meeting Princess, it is always good to meet people who you can realte to. I hope all goes well for the two of you.

There is a blogger playdate scheduled for sometime next year. E-mail me at and I will send you the link if you are interested.

As always take care (((((((Sid)))))))

10:15 PM, December 07, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you get your seroquel.
And im glad your going to meet with one of your cyber friends, your both lucky to have eachother.I hope you guys have a good time.

Take care of yourself,

11:17 PM, December 07, 2005  
Blogger dawn said...

hope you're able to get the meds that u need. can i ask why you feel guilty about calling your pdoc between visits? i think you have to do whatever it is to make you feel better. please don't feel guilty, that's what they're there for. i've been dying to meet some of my blog friends, but distance is a huge issue. most of them live in the states, but im working on meeting a few this coming spring. hope all went well with meeting the princess. bye

12:09 PM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger BipolarPrincess said...

I just want to say that Sid is a wonderful, down-to-earth, cool person. She is very brave at the face of mental illness and I will bet she is a great mother. I'm so glad that we got to meet!!!!

:* Princess

1:43 PM, December 08, 2005  
Blogger mizeeyore said...

i'm glad the link was helpful for you Sid. there are other links to other med companies aside from Seroquel

hope these are helpful to you as well and hope your meeting with Nicole (Princess)will be fun!

take care of yourself bcuz there's only one YOU!


genelle (Mizeeyore)

4:48 PM, December 08, 2005  

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