Pdoc called

The pdoc called me early this morning. Guess he was too busy to call yesterday and since my call wasn't of any urgency he waited to return it. He told me to reduce my Zoloft by 100 mgs, so now I'll only be taking 100 mgs and take my 10 mgs of Valium at bedtime instead of taking it during the day when I need it. He said it would stay in my system throughout the day, but I'm thinking with the level of anxiety I experience at times and the panic attacks I've been having, I'll end up needing to be able to take it during the day.

He said if that doesn't work after a few days I should cut the Abilify in half. Seeing as how I'm on the smallest dose possible, 5 mgs, and the pills are tiny, I'll probably end up cutting off a finger trying to slice the pills in half if it comes to that. But we shall see what happens.

I'm thinking Ms. N called him and discussed how I'm doing. The reason I suspect that is because Mr. pdoc thanked me for calling him and letting him know how I was doing. As if he knew reaching out and asking for help between appointments is beyond hard for me, something I've never mentioned to him. He told me to give him a call again if I'm still not sleeping and I'm still hyper all day.

My errands today included picking up my Zoloft prescription, buying some stuff for the bunny and returning a couple of items. So much for returning the items and keeping the money. I ended up going to Tower Records and spending another $50 on my daughter. Bought her 2 cd's, a copy of her favorite magazine, and a Tim Burton Voodoo doll/book set. My daughter loves everything Tim Burton, so she'll love this gift even though she didn't ask for it. I ended up putting her xmas list away so I don't buy anything else cuz I'm running really low on money.

The ex was going to give me some money today, but of course things came up and he said he couldn't meet with me. If I told him I was horny and wanted a good fuck from him I'm sure he'd suddenly make me a priority. I'm not desperate for money yet. Don't have to make my car payment until the 27th (or around there) and that's the only other bill I have. But I will need spending money for personal products and food. I'll just tell him to give the money to our daughter when he's out with her on Sunday. I only have $68 left in my checking account that I can spend, so I need cash.

There's never enough money is there? Even when we were making close to 6 figures combined, we still didn't have any money. I'm about ready to insist he give me his paycheck and I'll budget it for him so he's not wasting it. Give him an allowance. That way I can make sure the bankruptcy gets paid for and all that.