In a funk

Guess it's about time I update this thing. Not much has been going on, just been in a funk that I can't lift myself out of. Having a lot of physical symptoms that have been wreaking havoc on my body. I'm sure they are a result of the lack of sleep, chronic digestive system failure, lack of an anti-depressant and/or this damn implant; but it is extremely hard to pinpoint what exactly is causing which symptom.

Not sure what's causing the sleep disturbances. Some days I take the Seroquel and it seems completely ineffective, as if I've taken a sugar pill. I end up with maybe an hour's worth of sleep at night. Other days I have difficulty breathing after I take it, a symptom I experienced when I went from 100 mgs to 200 mgs and then again to 400 mgs, but one my body eventually adjusted to. Even when the Seroquel does seem to kick in and I can sleep, there is no guarantee I'll stay asleep. I usually end up waking at least 5 times a night.

The digestive problems may or may not be related to the lack of sleep, but could also be related to my gall bladder troubles. My surgery to get that fairly useless organ removed is July 18th. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that there won't be any issues with that and they can do it laparoscopically. That's the plan, but the surgeon said that there are complications at times and they may need to cut me open.

It's been about a week without the Zoloft. Last week I was full of rage and about ready to murder someone. But that eventually gave way to the funk. Kind of glad right now that my T is on vacation for two weeks cuz I really don't want to talk to her. I also cancelled my pdoc apptmt for Tuesday. There's not anything he can do and since I don't need any med refills, I figured it was best just to save the government some money. In the grand scheme of things, with the $47 grand from this month and whatever the next surgery is gonna cost, one pdoc visit isn't much but at least it's something.

The implant is a pain in the fucking ass and could very well be contributing to the sleep problems. When it was first turned on I didn't feel a thing so the pdoc recommended trying to turn it up a notch. That was quite painful. As soon as he adjusted the charge, it felt like someone was choking me and at the same time electrocuting my vocal cords. So right now it's at the lowest level possible until I see him next week. Of course being the pessimist I am, I'm worried that I won't ever be able to tolerate anything higher than this lowest level, something that would render the implant surgery completely pointless.

I've been having problems with vertigo since it was turned on. But that could also be a result of the dehydration I'm suffering from because of the digestive failure. Wish there was just one problem so then I'd know how to deal with everything that's going on. Knowing the cause makes finding a solution so much easier.