Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Angry day

Today was a day full of triggers that brought on a whole lot of anger. The lack of sleep the past several nights and still being upset about the whole emergency room incident haven't helped the situation any either. They've simply combined together to lower my threshold of tolerance in dealing with life's daily bullshit.

Because I've been so incredibly tired I did not want to go to groups today. But I played the good little patient role and forced myself in despite the objections thunderously echoing through my head. I was dragging ass getting ready so I ended up having to rush at the last minute to get there in time. Of course being in a hurry made me forget to grab my morning meds. Mildly irritating, but I figured I'd just take them when I got home in the afternoon.

Of course when you're running late, as Murphy's Law dictates, you hit red on every single traffic light between your home and your destination. That happens for no other reason than to piss you off. Plus there was a line at the Starbucks drive-thru, one that is never there on any other day, no matter what time I pull up at. I can pull up during the morning rush hour and not have anyone in front of me, which is unheard of at this particular location because it is directly across from a Metra station and it's the only Starbucks within an astounding 5 mile radius (I know that's hard to believe because Starbucks is everywhere, but it's true).

Despite running late, getting stopped at lights and at the drive-thru, I did manage to get to the center on time. Surprisingly, traffic on the highway was actually moving. That's a rarity here in the Chicago area, but it does happen occasionally. Guess everyone was either still on vacation or they went to work early to get caught up on the work piling up because they had taken a few days off.

The first group was just a review of the things they'd taught over the "semester". To them a semester is three months. I don't have the heart to tell them that would actually be a quarter, a semester consists of only two segments of time. You'd think they'd know that given they are high school and college graduates, but hey...you never know.

Anyway, the group was conversational skills; and to practice what was taught over the last three months (mind you I've only been going to groups for less than a month) we had to pair up and interview our partner. We were supposed to ask questions we'd use to start a conversation with someone. The questions had to be appropriate and not too personal, something we'd ask a complete stranger. Um ok...being the socially anxious retard I am, I wouldn't ever start a conversation with a complete stranger. Even when someone tries to start one with me, it usually begins with that banal small talk about the weather or some stupid shit like that which I totally hate so I ignore them.

I had no idea what to ask this guy so I just asked him the same lame questions he asked me though I had absolutely no interest in hearing his answers. That's probably mean considering it was just practice, but in a way it wasn't practice...he really was a complete stranger to me. A stranger I had no interest in getting to know.

Second group was ok and we didn't have the third group after lunch. Instead we had a community meeting to discuss the changes in the schedule for the new "semester" which take effect next week. They started by saying "we've only made some small changes to the schedule". For a moment I breathed a sigh of relief because it was just a year ago when I first tried to do these groups that they switched the schedule around so much it was no longer workable for me and I quit.

That relief quickly changed to anger when they passed everyone a copy of the actual schedule. Some small changes? About 90% of the schedule changed! What the fuck?!? They no longer have any groups I'd be interested in on Mondays, one of two days I originally agreed to do because I already need to be out there at 1 pm to see my therapist anyway. Tuesday is still doable because they only changed one of my groups that day, but at least they changed it to something worthwhile. Instead of conversational skills, it'd be assertiveness skills.

The problem is that they require everyone to do a minimum of four groups. I was doing five, but with this new schedule, the three on Tuesday are the only ones I'm even interested in going to. So now I'm screwed. I either have to take a group I have no interest in and sit there pissed off through the whole thing or quit again. It's absolutely fucking ludicrous.

Whimpy dick fuck's idea? Take the "Practice your skills" group on Monday, and my skill will be to sit there for an hour practicing how not to be pissed off when I'm some place I don't fucking want to be. He said I had to sit through classes in high school I didn't like, why can't I do that here. Because fuckhead...I was required by law to go to school, I'm not required to do these groups. I eventually ended up walking out before I bitch slapped the guy for his stupid suggestions. Before leaving though I did remind him that he never wrote up my treatment plan after wasting an hour and a half of my time working on it.

Then I get home and now that my daughter finally has her health insurance, I call the physical therapy place we were referred to. Surprise, surprise...they don't take public aid. Most physicians don't take public aid at all or won't take on any new patients that have it. Now I'm left wondering how the fuck I'm going to find some place to get her the treatment she needs when no one accepts the state's plan cuz the reimbursement rates suck ass and they take forever to pay the claims.

I'm actually not mad at public aid or the physicians that won't accept it. My anger over that is all directed at her fuckhead of a father that got fired from his damn fucking job, making her lose the private health insurance she had that would have covered all this and thus forcing her treatment to be delayed for so damn fucking long. I'm also angry that I'm the one left with all the stress of scrounging around for a solution because of his fuck up.

I'm sure I've said this before, but it's times like this I wish murder were legal. But since it's not...I'm drinking myself into oblivion so I won't continue to worry or think about any of this crap.

One positive note for today though, I booked the hotel for my daughter's b-day party which we're having on the 13th. They finally put an indoor waterpark in one of the hotels around here. Plus the hotel also has a Starbucks inside of it too...bonus!


Blogger Polar Bear said...

I'm sorry to hear about the troubles of late. I'm also concerned about the bleeding. I hope it gotten better since you wrote about it. I just got back from the xmas-new year break and am catching up with your recent posts.

About the groups, I can understand how pissed you are. I understand that even a small change in schedule can really throw you off balance in every other aspect of your life.

Do take care
Polar B.

2:34 PM, January 03, 2007  

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