Thursday, January 18, 2007

Another FOAD day

Yes, it's that time again....

I actually didn't have a FOAD post in mind when I got up this morning, but then I left the house and all that changed rather quickly.

My first FOAD goes to the Illinois Tollway Authority. I'd love to be able to screw over millions of people on a daily basis and make billions of dollars while doing it like they do. Originally the tolls were put in simply to cover the cost of building the highways they were on and were supposed to be removed. But no. They use shoddy building practices and our highways are ALWAYS under construction. I can't think of a single year since I started driving way back in 1983 that there hasn't been a major construction project underway on at least one of the area highways. Usually there are projects underway on several roads at once.

They are currently overhauling all the toll booths at a cost of $5.3 billion as a way to ease congestion with their "open road tolling", which is only increasing congestion because of all the construction. Supposedly once this project is complete (as if they ever really "complete" any project), traffic will flow much more smoothly, with less delays. The fact that anyone expects that to be the actual end result shows you just how delusional the people that run the Toll Authority really are. What good does it do to not have to sit at a toll booth, when you're stuck in traffic anyway because they can't build roads that don't have to be reconstructed every other year and therefore you're always stuck in construction traffic? Oy vey!

My next FOAD goes to the inventor of the medieval torture device we know as the mammography machine. I did a fairly extensive search to find out the bastard's name, but all I was able to come up with was the year 1966, that's when the first machine solely dedicated to smashing women's breasts was developed.

Today was the first time I'd undergone this completely embarrassing procedure. Let me just say, I feel less exposed and violated getting a pap smear than I did having my boobs man-handled by this weird contraption. I was originally supposed to get a baseline mammogram done back in 1994 after I'd had a breast lump removed but never bothered to, so at my gyne's urging, I decided to finally get one.

It's a shame that the law against cruel and unusual punishment doesn't apply to law abiding citizens having voluntary medical procedures. This makes me want to develop a testicularography machine.


Anonymous jane said...

I was here earlier & tried commenting, but it said blogger was down. I wonder if others may have tried, too.
I believe State & Federal taxes were also started on the premise of being temporary.
Mammograms...I bet a man invented it. It does hurt BADLY, but the benefits far outweigh the pain. I'm going on Feb.9th for mine. I'd prefer a mammo over a pap anyday.

7:10 PM, January 18, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cannot believe the voters fall for a "temperory tax" line every time. The goverment is not going to give up a mainline into your wallet. I just turnned 40 I haven't went for a mammograph yet my medicaid is screwed up, not looking forward to it. Sid, if you invent your machine can we please mash my ex's balls first? I am not getting any childsupport either.

12:56 PM, January 19, 2007  
Blogger The Mass Defective said...

Your ex will have to get in line behind my ex, sorry. If I'm the one inventing it, I get dibs on whose nuts get smashed first!

1:55 AM, January 20, 2007  

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