Time to empower myself

Didn't make any of the calls I had wanted to yesterday because I was feeling too stressed and depressed. Instead I opted to rest and really reflect on ways to reduce that stress. So far, that's all I've done today as well.

I have come to a decision regarding the ex. As much as it hurts and as much as it sucks ass that I have to be the one to pay for it, I am going to file for divorce. I need to stop playing the victim and empower myself when it comes to him. I'm sure those that have been reading my blog for a long time (or heck, for any length of time) and have heard me whine, bitch, obsess and rage about the ex are saying "hallelujah, it's about fucking time". I'm saying that to myself as well, but please remember...it's really easy to know what should be done and how to go about following through to see that it is accomplished when you're not the one carrying all the emotional baggage from the relationship. And each relationship comes with its own unique baggage.

It's not going to happen right away. This week is basically over and next is pretty much booked full with the kiddie's birthday and parties, groups, doctor appointments and a screwed up school schedule for the kiddie because she has finals. But when I do have free time over the next two weeks, I plan on compiling a list of questions that I have for a lawyer. I do hope to have at least found an attorney by the end of this month and have begun work on filing for a legal separation. Who knows, considering how long we've been apart, we might already be considered legally separated, but at the very least I want to be that far along over the next three and a half weeks.

I know this decision is LONG overdue. I also know that it isn't going to be easy because I am now forcing myself to grieve for a loss I've never allowed myself to properly grieve for. But I know it's the right thing to do and it's the right time to do it.