Getting on a schedule

In hopes of getting on a more "normalized" schedule, I'm staying up as late as possible tonight and only taking some extra Valium instead of the Seroquel. The Valium will allow me to get some sleep, but won't put me into the drug induced coma Seroquel does. The reason behind this action is that I've been staying up til 2 am most nights, then taking 100 mgs of Seroquel (which is half the dose I'm supposed to be taking). The end result is that I've not had adequate sleep in order to get the Seroquel out of my system so that I can safely drive my daughter to school each morning. I'm so tired as I'm driving at 7 am that it's a miracle I haven't fallen asleep at the wheel and killed us or anyone else. Plus once I get back home, I end up crashing back into bed until noon or later which leaves little time to get much done before I need to head back out and pick her up.

My hope is that by staying awake now and avoiding the drug induced sleep, I'll be able to stay awake after driving the kiddie to school this morning. If I can stay up all day, then I'll be ready to take the full dose of Seroquel at 10:30 pm. It usually kicks in about half an hour later, which is perfect because I tuck the kiddie in bed at 11 pm. I'll then get a full 8 hours of sleep each night.

I definitely need more sleep before getting behind the wheel, but I also need to be awake during the day so I can get stuff done. My therapist was very helpful this week in finding ways to break down most of the things I need to do into smaller tasks so they don't seem so completely overwhelming. They now seem like manageable and obtainable goals that I can actually accomplish. We also figured out a way that I can use the day planner I bought over a year ago without writing my entire 'to do' list down on one page and expecting everything to be done in that one day which was a major obstacle to getting anything done at all.

If I had to pick the worst symptom of my BPD, it would be the all or nothing/black & white thinking. It's been the biggest hindrance in my ability to function and greatly contributes to my constant rages. If I could overcome this fatal flaw, and keep my depression in check, I might be able to return to being a productive member of society.