Friday, January 19, 2007

Groups are a goner

No more groups for me. Whimpy dick fuck called today to ask me about the treatment plan he'd given me on Tuesday that I refused to sign. This was the biggest stressor for me this week.

The plan consisted of 5 pretty intense goals with a total of 24 very involved treatment objectives he'd written up to meet those goals. As written, it gave a date of only six months in which to try and get all this done. He said they normally review the plan every 6 months, at which time they decide if the date to meet these goals needs to be extended or if they should remove objectives that aren't working. That's all fine and dandy for someone else, but what he seemed to forget is that he was giving this lengthy document to a BPD patient with all or nothing thinking.

Panic set in the minute I started paging through it. I told him there was no way I could sign it because by doing so I would automatically be setting myself up for failure. With my black & white thinking being so rigid, I told him I would need to get all this stuff done in those 6 months and if I didn't, I would feel like a complete failure. He said I wasn't signing a contract that stated I needed to get this stuff done so quickly, but in my mind it is a contract. You're signing an agreement that this is what you're going to work towards and by them having the 6 month date on there, I'd be committing myself to have accomplished everything within that time frame.

As for the groups, I'd mentioned to him Tuesday that I didn't think I would be able to do them anymore because the Monday group was just constantly pissing me off. Once again he tried to get me to do a group on another day. Said I should ask my therapist if she could switch my appointment time from Monday to Wednesday. When I told him I wouldn't and shouldn't have to ask her to revise her schedule because they fucked up the group schedule, he said he'd ask her.

When he called today, of course he said that she didn't have anything available on Wednesdays. But he kept pressing the issue of finding another group for me to take to meet their four group minimum. Asked me why not take one of the 2 pm groups on Tuesday. When I reminded him YET again that I couldn't do a 2 pm group because they don't let out until 3 pm and I need to be 45 mins away at 3 o'clock to pick my daughter up from school he had the balls to ask "why she doesn't make arrangements to find another way home one day a week". I lost it then and yelled "Because she shouldn't fucking have to. No one else should have to alter their schedule just because this damn fucking center feels the need to switch their group schedule every fucking three months." Told him to just fucking drop me from the group schedule and I hung up on him.

Now I don't know what happens with the treatment plan he wrote up. Some of it is now null & void because it pertained to the groups, so with not doing those and some of the other objectives I didn't think were realistic or relevant, I've whittled the list down to 14 objectives (11 really cuz 3 apply to simply keeping my Medicaid valid which shouldn't be an issue for another year since I just had my case reviewed). That's a little bit more realistic, though even that will be hard to complete in 6 months if I decided to sign it.

But I don't know if they'll even want me to sign this plan now or if they'll expect my therapist to write a new one up since she is now my sole contact at the center. Hell, I still don't even understand why they set me up with whimpy dick fuck as my main contact at the center just because I was doing the groups. You'd think my therapist would have always been my main contact since she is my main therapist.


Blogger Amber said...

I don't know anything about your situation really, but after this and some other posts about the treatment (or lack there of) you are receiving, I felt compelled to post.
I went through a nightmare with a public mental health provider. My psychiatrist had me doped up on 75mg of Paxil CR, which I would later learn is an incredibly high dose, and mixed that with 1mg of Risperdal. The Paxil slowed my liver down so that I was retaining a lot of the Risperdal in my system, enough to shut down my period until I stopped taking it. Thus, I didn't menstruate for a year and a half. I grew thick facial hair. I gained over 100 lbs. My cholesterol was high. My back and feet hurt. I couldn't go up a flight of steps without getting winded. My psychiatrist's response was to suggest a diet program to me and ask me if I really *needed* to have a period. I believe that I am still suffering from what may be permanent effects to my body. I am still struggling with my weight, especially around my abdomen where it is most dangerous. I worry that my hormones were thrown out of whack, as I now experience very bad pms symptoms and my hair falls out. The whole point of this is to say that I hope you demand what you need from any and all programs you are involved in for your treatment. I'm glad to hear about it when you stick up for yourself like you did with whimpy dick fuck when he tried to get your daughter involved in their scheduling problem by asking her to find a ride one day a week. It seems like so many systems are completely screwed up, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that crap. Keep fighting!

1:00 AM, January 21, 2007  
Blogger James said...

Oh man wimpy dick fuck just doesn't get it does he? I would have refused to sign the list thing too. And it makes sense that it put you into a panic. It would me too. The last thing we need is more stress and "deadlines." I hate "homework" pdocs.

And I can't believe the balls on him asking if your daughter can arrange for another ride??? What a pompous ASS HOLE!!!

Some of these "doctors" only see us as experiments or pieces of meat. They don't seem to acknowledge, care or believe we deserve a life. No, we have to sacrifice ALL to their godly orders.


Fuck 'em.

6:45 PM, January 22, 2007  

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