Monday, April 16, 2007

No surprise

The kiddie told me today after school that her and her "boyfriend" decided to split up. When I asked who initiated it she said it was a mutual decision. Apparently he was upset that she wouldn't just sneak around behind my back so they could go out and she felt awkward with him being around her when she was with her girlfriends because he isn't friends with them, so she felt torn between who to spend time with. Plus, she said the words I myself have said in the past..."in a month or so he'll be graduating and I probably won't get to see him again".

There's definitely no surprise on my end that it's over. However, I do feel a tinge of guilt because I wouldn't allow her out with him. Even though I know that was for the best, that it was for her own welfare, there's that damn nagging voice saying that I never gave him a chance. I never allowed her to prove she could be responsible. I'm the one that drove them apart.

Parenting is so damn confusing sometimes. You want what's best for your child and you try your hardest to keep them safe, but there's a flipside to that. The one that leaves you wondering if you were too over-protective. If you should have just let go of the rope and see if your child would sink or swim.

I'm now questioning everything. Did I hold her back from what could have been a reasonable relationship? At 15, how much freedom do I afford her to make her own mistakes? Should I have backed off after learning that she truly did come clean to him or was I right to keep her on a short leash because she never provided the proof of that directly, I found it secretly on my own? Where do we go from here with ways to earn back her Internet and text messaging privileges since he was the main person she was lying to?

I wonder other things as well. Just how hurt is she that it's over? She played it off like she wanted to take the route I did in high school and not date because relationships at that age were just too confusing and made life more complicated than it needed to be. But I'm not convinced she actually feels that way. I also wonder if this guy is now going to reveal to anyone else the extent to which she lied to him and force her to contend with a whole new disaster of defending and proving herself to others.

I feel that I let her down. I feel like I've caused her pain. I feel like a really lousy mother right now.


Anonymous MB said...

Its a shame there isnt an instruction manual on parenting! lol. Sid, you're a great mother. She confided in you about the split/who initiated it/reasons/etc. Would she have done into the depths about it if she didn't trust you? She may have known it was ending so not hurting as much as expected, or maybe it hasn't fully sunk in. All you can do is be there for you always have been.

5:03 AM, April 17, 2007  
Blogger Anna said...

I've got a similiar situation going on with AB. I think you are doing the right thing Sid. At 15, they don't really agree with anything their parents say, so you probably wouldn't win either way. Just let her know you care and listen to her.

10:23 AM, April 17, 2007  
Anonymous jane said...

I may catch some grief for this, but here goes:
How could you blame yourself for their breakup? He wanted her to sneak around behind your back & it's your fault they broke up? No.
You, undoubtedly, did your daughter a favor here.
Plus, the guy must be 17 or 18 if he's gonna graduate. Was this really someone you'd want her to be alone with for long, if at all?

When I used to work with kids, 1 thing that was w/o a doubt true, kids want boundaries.
I think your daughter's reasoning within the boundaries you gave her is proof of that.
I guess what I'm saying is, pat yourself on the back! Trust me, when she's an adult, there will be enough for you to blame yourself for, lol.

1:45 AM, April 25, 2007  

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