Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Feeling of disconnect

I find it unsettling when I can't think of anything to write about. It makes me feel as if though I'm cut off from the world. Isolated. There's been a feeling of disconnect since Friday. It has a pervasiveness that has injected itself so deeply into my psyche that even my interactions with my daughter feel strained, forced.

A laundry list of "to do's" has piled up. From the mundane, like taking a shower; to the priorities, such as needing to get to the help desk at the courthouse. Sadly, I've ignored them all. The last four days have consisted of being vegged out in front of the TV, watching hours and hours of America's Next Top Model reruns and various news programs. The only thing I've done to exert any energy at all is get up to find food and to go to the bathroom.

As is my nature, I find myself searching for answers, always asking that "why" question. Why do I feel so removed? Why do I not have the discipline to do the things I need to get done? Why have I not been able to sleep, yet I don't feel tired? Seems as if I'm always looking for clues to questions I shouldn't even be asking.

They taught us in the day program that we shouldn't be asking why, instead we should be asking how. How gives us the means to problem solve. Why just keeps us stuck in the same place. Seems like such a simple concept but I'm not sure if I will ever be able to wrap my head around it.


Blogger Anonymous Drifter said...

Like you, I often find myself in the state of disconnection. I find it almost impossible to get out of sometimes.

6:37 AM, May 13, 2009  

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