Stay in the here and now

Today was my final day in the outpatient program. I'm not quite sure how I feel about leaving because I haven't yet taken the time to stop and think about it. The realization that I don't have a structured day anymore probably won't hit until Tuesday of next week. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it though because I know it will only cause me anxiety if I think about it before then and I need to keep a clear head this weekend.

Monday I need to be at the courthouse first thing in the morning. I have a lot of questions that need to be answered and depending on the responses I get, I might have to see if I can reschedule the court date from May 28th. I hope I've been proceeding through the process correctly and have filled out the necessary paperwork properly. That would be a huge relief and the only remaining detail would be to see if there's any way I can get a waiver on the required parenting class.

I talked to the organization that provides the class, but they said that it was Illinois law and they weren't sure if I could get it waived. Given that the sperm donor and I have already been separated for nearly 6 years and the kiddie turns 18 in a mere 8 months, it seems incredibly foolish to require us (well actually just me since I know the stupid fuckhead will say he doesn't have the money to pay his half of the cost) to spend $100 on a parenting class.

Speaking of the kiddie turning 18, next June I lose a third of my income. Once she graduates from high school, I will no longer receive the Social Security benefit for her that I am currently getting even though she will still be living with me. I'm scared shitless on how I'm going to get by financially. The kiddie will have to get a summer job to help pay her expenses, which she would do willingly, but I will also need to find somewhere to get additional income from, though I haven't a clue where. Ugh...that's another worry that is going to haunt me until a solution is found.

Stay in the here and now Sid, stay in the here and now.