Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Back home

We're back home from our trip to Myrtle Beach. It was long, tiring, emotional and still we managed to have fun. It was our first time visiting the kiddie's grandma since her grandpa passed away last year. I thought things would be hardest when we first arrived and the loss truly hit home when he wasn't there to greet us and take his precious granddaughter into his arms. However, the real struggle was having to say good-bye to grandma knowing we were leaving her all alone in that house and that she would be alone for the one year anniversary of his death.

I've not been doing well since we arrived home yesterday evening. I didn't sleep much while we were gone and it finally caught up with me today. I spent 90% of the day in bed. I did force myself out of the house at around 7 pm because we were scheduled to have our NAMI board meeting tonight, but when I arrived at our President's house, no one was home. Rather than be pissed off that no one bothered to tell me the meeting was cancelled, I was relieved that I didn't have to interact with anyone.

Numerous medical problems arose over the past week that need to be addressed in the very near future. The biggest is a problem with my lower back and spinal cord. It's been a problem I've dealt with off and on since I went into labor with my daughter, but it was always a temporary pain that I could deal with. It is now a constant and it feels as if my spinal column has been breached. I only know what that even would feel like because when I received an epidural to kill my labor pains, the anesthesiologist accidentally hit my spinal cord and my entire body involuntarily jumped from the pain. That's the same problem I'm having now, only it doesn't go away. Every nerve is on edge and I randomly have incidents where my entire body involuntary convulses multiple times throughout the day.

There's a lot I'd love to write about, but it's time to force myself to take the Seroquel and hopefully it will make me drowsy enough to ignore the pain in my spine so I can sleep.


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