Friday, December 17, 2004

Feeling abandoned

I'm having abandonment issues tonight. How fucked up is that? I want to be alone cuz I can't stand to be around people without them driving me crazy, yet when I'm alone, I feel so uncomfortable and disconnected I want someone around me.

It's too damn quiet in the house. I tried putting on some music, but then I start to panic because I imagine someone breaking in while I can't hear them and I just end up turning the music off again & sitting in silence. One of those damned if I do, damned if I don't situations. I've already been going upstairs at least every 15 mins to check the doors and stuff because I'm so damn paranoid.

When did I become such a paranoid freak? I lived alone for years and was never once bothered by it. In fact I loved it. Loved being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted without having to worry about whether I was bothering anyone else. I fucking hate being afraid like this. It's childish and stupid.


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