A bit of what I've been up to
It's been awhile since I've written, so here's a bit of what I've been up to....
I went to my first Depression & Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) meeting with the group that meets closest to my new home. I miss the old group I used to go to, but I was quite impressed with this new group. I've wanted to go for months, but anxiety and just plain laziness kept getting in the way. This past week I finally made myself go and I'm glad I did. I felt completely relaxed. Everyone was friendly and I had no problem introducing myself. They meet twice a month and I'm looking forward to going again in two weeks.
My Medicaid was cut off in September, but I finally got re-approved last month, though now I have what they call a spenddown and it's rather high, more than $500 a month. I don't understand the whole process, nor do I understand how Medicaid thinks I can afford to pay more than a third of my monthly income on medical bills when I have rent and other bills, plus food, gas, clothing, etc. to pay for as well. I do know I've met my spenddown from this past October thru to the end of this month and possibly through the end of March as well. It left me with more than $800 in medical bills that I'm responsible for paying. I've paid all the smaller ones off already and set up a payment plan for one bill that was about $225. I still need to set up a payment plan for another that is $535. Luckily my case worker understands all this stuff and helps me get stuff submitted to Medicaid.
I'm getting beyond frustrated with several of my neighbors, to the point it makes me wish I hadn't moved in here. When I first interviewed to live here, I was told this place was for people with disabilities who were competent enough to live on their own. Quite a few of the residents have proven they aren't competent enough. Some are drinking themselves into oblivion almost daily. Others can't manage money and run around asking others for help when they don't have money at the end of the month because they've blown all theirs on stupid shit. Others don't understand boundaries, no matter how many times you remind them. I don't want to be friends with any of these people, other than a particular gentleman I've mentioned before, yet they confuse my politeness to mean I do want to be best buddies and listen to their bullshit.I could go on and on, but I'd better stop before I aggravate myself.
I suppose those are the highlights that have the most bearing on where I am mentally right now. Yes, I am still falling madly in love with a certain someone. I try not to think about him, but it does no good. He's always on my mind. I think he knows how I feel and is avoiding me, so maybe over time, as I see him less and less my feelings will just diminish on their own.