Punish myself

Once again I have been proven to be nothing more than a gullible imbecile. I believed it when the guy I like said he wanted to hang out with me today, after asking to borrow my car to go to the store. I should have known better. All he wanted was to borrow my car. He had no desire whatsoever to spend any time with me. And yet, I fell for it. As I always do. Fuck my heart. 

Why don't I ever even listen to my head when it comes to matters of the heart? I know better and now I want to punish myself for being so fucking stupid. For wanting to believe that anyone could ever have any interest in me, even if it didn't extend beyond just a simple friendship. These days, even friendship is too much to ask for. To want. To desire.

I'm a piece of shit. I know this. And yet, I continually fool myself into believing people care. Why must I always torture myself this way?