Monday, March 03, 2014

Worried about my rapid cycling

I'm not sure if it's because I'm extremely sick with the flu or what, but my depression has been unbearable the last week or so. When I put it like that though, it couldn't just be because I'm sick. I didn't fall ill until Saturday and I've been struggling since last Sunday. Yesterday it was so horrible I was tempted to go to the hospital, but as always, it strikes at the worst time. My daughter and her boyfriend are on Spring Break and will be heading to Notre Dame so they can check things out because her boyfriend will probably be going there for Grad School. While they're gone, I'll be babysitting her bunny and there isn't anyone else that can volunteer to do that.

When I saw my pdoc last month, he was worried about my rapid cycling and made several suggestions on what we should do to get it under control. As always, his preference was to add Seroquel to my med mix again. With some reluctance I agreed, but he let me choose the dose I wanted and I went with a mild 50 mg. He apparently thought that was too low of a dose so he wrote the prescription out for 1 - 2 pills a day, which he didn't mention. I noticed it when I picked the script up from the pharmacy. One hasn't been helping me sleep, which is no doubt a huge contributor to my cycling and depression, but I took 2 yesterday and that didn't help either. It's hard to sleep when you can't breathe and your throat is extremely dry and scratchy. Maybe once this flu passes, the Seroquel will help level things out.

I did inform him that I was only going to take the Seroquel until the obsessive thoughts about how poisonous I think it is start screaming in my head again, as they always eventually do. I think he was happy that I agreed to take it, even if it might turn out to be a short term solution. I was just in the hospital in November, I don't want to go back to the days when I was going in multiple times a month or every 3-4 months, and I'm sure he doesn't want me in there that often either. Not when he sees Seroquel as a possible solution to the problem.

Whatever happens with my depression, I need to hold myself together until after March 18th. Out of desperation for ways to make extra money, I signed up to be an election judge again. I don't think this time it will be as overwhelming as it was when I worked the Presidential Election. This is just a Primary, and I don't think a lot of people care or see it as important as a major election, so I'm guessing there will be a lot of down time where we're just sitting around. 

I'm trying to get my polling place assignment changed. The one they assigned me to is quite a distance from my current home, which makes absolutely no sense because they've had my new address for months. If I still lived with the old people, it would be about a 15-20 minute drive, but at least it would only be in the next town over. It'd take me a good 45 minutes to an hour to get there from where I live now and given that we have to be there at 5 am? Um yeah, I'm really not happy with that. I pretty much live at the intersection of 4 different towns, they couldn't give me a job working in one of them? I suppose if they can't switch me, I could always just spend the night at my folks house so that I am closer. We'll see what happens. I left a message for the guy I need to talk to earlier today. Just waiting for him to call back.


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